I can't even imagine how much greater my sadness would be if I actually knew him. I have been feeling crappy since I read the news last week. Haven't seen much of my husband since we got back from New york, as he has been ridiculously busy with work. My work seems frustrating and disappointing. I feel disconnected. Yesterday, I took the surface streets to drive home from from work, hadn't done that in months, was feeling sad and stressed out about my life, when I began to imagine how good a huge shot of heroin would feel. I dreamed of putting the needle in my arm and feeling that warm rush of comfort running through my veins. I could smell and taste it, I could almost feel it. I still feel less than stellar today; I don't want to go to my French class, I want to rebel in my abandon.
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